Delaying Gratification- A Pathway To Success

As a father you have a huge say in deciding what you allow and what you don’t allow in your own home. Each parent has to consider exactly what they will teach their children, for in doing so you will in a major way be shaping the future of their young lives. Every decision made has consequences, wise decisions well-considered usually result in positive outcomes, while rash decisions not thought through properly often have undesirable ramifications.

I have observed a growing trend of parents who consistently make decisions based upon supplying immediate gratification to their child, often just to ‘keep the peace’, and avoid a ‘behavioural melt down’ in the middle of a department store. I don’t think the parents realise that they are actually training their child that this type of behaviour is ‘acceptable in society’ and even ‘required’ in life if you want to get your own way. Their child will not thank them in the years ahead if they end up in a prison cell having assaulted someone because they couldn’t get their own way!

I don’t think the parents realise that they are actually training their child that this type of behaviour is ‘acceptable in society’ and even ‘required’ in life if you want to get your own way

Many other parents get caught up in ‘following trends’ without any significant thought about what the results of those decisions will be. Giving your young daughter scantily clad dolls as a child will begin a train of thought in her mind that this is the way she should dress and act when she is older, because ‘it’s obviously alright with dad!’. The gift once given sows a seed thought in a young mind, a seed that will grow into maturity and shape a life accordingly.

A major part of being a parent is preparing your child for life as an adult. Allowing any child everything their heart desires without due consideration of the consequences that will ultimately follow is setting them up for massive failure as an adult. Delaying gratification is an effective way to train your child about the realities of life, that it often requires hard work and patience to achieve our goals in life and they don’t just ‘appear’ because we want them to!

Delaying gratification is an effective way to train your child about the realities of life, that it often requires hard work and patience to achieve our goals in life

Self control is only developed through having to control yourself! It is a character trait that must be exercised if it is to be developed properly. If we want our muscles to grow we have to exercise them regularly, they don’t just grow big themselves unless we put in the hard work! Teaching your child to control their emotional outbursts is vital if they are to become successful in adult life, because no-one wants an employee who is ‘out of control’.

There are 4 main steps in training up your child:

1. The first step in training your child is to teach them clearly what is and what is not acceptable behaviour! We must clearly articulate that there will be discipline for breaches of the boundaries.
2. Secondly we have to reinforce the training by utilising disciplinary tactics whenever they breach the boundaries that we have set up.
3. Thirdly and even more importantly we must appreciate their good behaviour with encouragement and praise.
4. Fourthly we need to be consistent in enforcing both discipline for breaches and praise for their accomplishments.

Being a parent means that we can’t just be the ‘nice guy’ all the time, there will be times when we as guardians of our children’s future must be firm and say No! Every father wants his child to grow up and have a happy and successful life, delaying gratification is a big step toward helping them achieve it!

Warm Regards

John

Dadsuni

http://www.dadsuni.com

For further information on this subject:

http://dadsuni.com/discipline-within-the-home.html

Credibility and Little White Lies

In ages past there was something that seemingly was valued far higher than it is today, and that something was a ‘good name’. When people who know you well think and speak very highly of you then you have achieved a ‘good name’. A good name is to be treasured for with it comes honour and credibility in the sight of your fellow-man. Credibility is valuable in every relationship for without it trust is almost impossible to form.

As fathers the element of credibility is crucial in our relationship with our children. If our children can not trust the words we speak as being true, then our effectiveness as a parent dissolves rapidly. Our children need to have complete confidence that ‘what daddy says’ is true and can be relied upon. No father would deliberately attempt to erode the credibility they have with their child, and yet in modern society the actions of many accomplish just that.

If our children can not trust the words we speak as being true, then our effectiveness as a parent dissolves rapidly

I would like to point out initially that I am really a fun-loving person, just ask my kids! But when I became a father I made certain decisions in agreement with my wife, as to how we were going to bring up our children. I considered whether or not I was going to be completely honest with my children about the very important subjects (in a child’s eyes) of Santa, The Easter Bunny and Magic Wands etc. Now I know some of you will be judging me as a fun sucker right about now, but hear me out before you pass sentence on what I am saying.

There are certain things in life that I value very deeply, things that for me as a father were extremely desirable to impart to my children. After due consideration I surmised that if I wanted my children to accept my word as truth in the really important areas of life, that I had to have built that credibility in the smaller areas of life.

If I had gone along with the accepted norm of telling my kids that Santa really flew a sleigh around the world on Christmas Eve, then when they eventually found out that it was not true my credibility would have just taken a hit. If I told them that a really well natured Bunny was dropping off chocolate eggs in the garden on Easter Sunday, then when they found out that it was actually me hiding them in the bushes then my credibility in their eyes would have taken another hit!

After due consideration I surmised that if I wanted my children to accept my word as truth in the really important areas of life, that I had to have built that credibility in the smaller areas of life.

Now I enjoy Christmas and Easter and celebrate them wonderfully with my children and their young lives were not diminished because ‘the magic’ of Santa and the Easter Bunny were taken from them. My children still enjoyed the joy of hunting for Easter eggs in the garden, and the thrill of waking up and racing to the Christmas tree to open presents, they have just experienced these times without the ‘little white lies’ clouding their young minds. I have actually found that the ‘traditional’ meanings of Christmas and Easter have a far greater and more beneficial impact in the lives of young children.

The little white lies that many parents tell to their children in the desire of giving them a more ‘magical’ Christmas or Easter will eventually return as problems as their credibility begins to erode in the sight of their children. We as fathers have a wonderful opportunity to teach our children about the value of telling the truth by the example we set, and can ensure that our relationship with them continues to grow stronger throughout the years ahead.

Warm Regards

John

Dadsuni

http://www.dadsuni.com

Filling in the Gaps

The support and encouragement of our children is a major part of our role as a father. Thankfully as our children grow in life we also grow into our role as fathers, and because we are both growing together we as fathers avoid many challenges until we ourselves are ready to face them. If our children were born as teenagers with teenager problems then we as new fathers with little or no experience of dealing with children may find ourselves in trouble. Dads usually have many years to grow in wisdom and understanding of the most effective way to assist their children before they have to deal with teenager problems.

It has been my experience that as we continually learn and grow into our fathering role and apply the lessons learnt that we minimise the potential for major teenager conflict. One of the most useful strategies to apply as a father is to enjoy your fatherhood each day and be kind with yourself. Every new role in life has a learning curve, and none are more involved and evolving than being a father. Fathering strategies that work with a five-year old often no longer apply by the time they are eight or nine.

It has been my experience that as we continually learn and grow into our fathering role and apply the lessons learnt that we minimise the potential for major teenager conflict

How then are we to keep up to date with the ever-changing environment of our child’s physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs? Is there a way to fill in the gaps in our fathering abilities so that we do not make some huge mistake? Or do we just succumb to what some say is the inevitability of major teenage revolt and conflict in the years ahead?

Dadsuni is an organisation that is primarily focussed upon providing wisdom and understanding to fathers of young children. The earlier a young life can begin to be influenced by a loving father the greater the chance of a really positive outcome in the family. I have often seen frustrated dads of older children who have realised that they missed their best opportunity to build the strong loving connections required in being a successful father. Although there are still many things fathers can do to build bridges in the relationship with their older children, it is often more difficult in later years.

The earlier a young life can begin to be influenced by a loving father the greater the chance of a really positive outcome in the family

Fathers who start building loving relationships with their new-born babies have a far greater chance of that bond being maintained and continuing to improve throughout the entirety of the chid’s life. The gaps in our fathering abilities are most effectively filled in by huge amounts of love and fun, and thankfully we as men possess these in abundance.

The elements of love and fun are like the mortar that gets into every nook and cranny and holds everything strongly together. Many of our failings as a father will be overlooked by our children when they know how much we love them and that we will always do our best to be there for them. Being a father is not a pursuit for technical perfection, but more like a roller coaster that is best enjoyed with those we love the most.

Warm Regards

John

Dadsuni

http://www.dadsuni.com

http://dadsuni.com/starting-early.html

Bringing It Home

As a father we normally have the main role as breadwinner/provider for our family, and this most often requires that we spend large amounts of time away from them whilst at work. These times of separation are made easier in the knowledge that we are enabling our family financially to have food on the table and a roof over their heads. Fathers are usually the parent who is tasked with ‘bringing home the bacon’, but it’s not just the bacon but often the cares and worries from our work lives that we also ‘bring home’.

Unfortunately many fathers are being required to work longer and longer hours in jobs that are often in very high pressure environments. Man is not designed to function under high levels of stress for long periods of time. Unless a father develops the ability to off-load the cares and worries of his work environment before he gets home, he can often transfer some of that stress to his family. This will often have a negative effect upon the level of peace in the home, and the father will begin to alienate the very people he sacrifices daily to support.

Unless a father develops the ability to off-load the cares and worries of his work environment before he gets home, he can often transfer some of that stress to his family

Understanding the processes that continually build up the stress levels in our lives is crucial if we are to develop effective strategies to combat them. Identifying the tell-tale signs of stress build up helps men manage their mental and emotional state earlier and restricts the possibility of things spiralling out of control. Alleviating the existing stress levels through enacting procedures that bring peace into our hearts and minds ensures that we stay on top of the situation.

Often we are able to relieve stress build up by simply taking a few minutes and changing our thought patterns. This can be achieved by going for a walk or sitting in a park, many people find peace by entering into prayer or meditation. The key is to identify the actions that assist you in finding peace and release from the build up of internal stress; these actions may be different for each person.

Some simple suggestions that may assist you in arriving home ready to take up your all important role as a father:

• Take public transport to and from work and use the time to de-stress on the way home
• Get off the bus/train one stop early and walk home briskly, the exercise will do you good mentally and physically
• Find an employer who understands and promotes a work/family life balance
• Don’t allow daily challenges to rob your focus from your ultimate goals
• Get out of the office for lunch as often as possible

Ultimately fathers go to work to provide for the benefit of their families, and the finances they are able to ‘bring home’ enable the family to function properly. If the stresses of their work environment are not dealt with effectively before they get home it can pollute the peace of the home and the entire family may be impacted.

The key is to identify the actions that assist you in finding peace and release from the build up of internal stress; these actions may be different for each person

It is very important that we as fathers are able to put off our ‘work worries’ and be free enough mentally and emotionally to put on our role as a father to our children and husband to our wife. These skills may take some time to develop but are definitely worth the time and energy it takes, as the results will benefit those you love the most.

Warm Regards

John

Dads UNI

http://www.dadsuni.com

http://dadsuni.com/off-loading-your-cares-before-you-get-home.html