Finding the Connection

I think one of the most wonderful aspects of being a father is experiencing those special times when you really seem to ‘connect’ with your child. These times can not be scheduled or forced in any way, they just seem to happen and when they do all the hard work we have invested into the relationship with our child is forgotten in the joy of life’s blessing.

To love and to be loved is man’s most basic emotional need and by understanding this we are enabled both to give and to receive love at a much higher level than without it. When our child is born it has many requirements that we as parents need to ensure are fulfilled: the baby needs to be fed and changed regularly, it also has to be washed and put to bed in a quiet safe environment. All these areas take huge amounts of time and effort for you and your wife, but they are merely physical requirements and not the total of what your child really needs.

To love and to be loved is man’s most basic emotional need and by understanding this we are enabled both to give and to receive love at a much higher level than without it

Your child needs to be loved. Your child needs the comfort of being held often and softly spoken to by the people who would do anything to protect it and keep it safe. The bond we form with our child is not merely emotional, but in truth it has a deeper more eternal or spiritual aspect. Finding that deep and powerful bond of love between you is what life is really all about as a father.

When fathers learn to open up our hearts in love continually to our children, those special times of bonding can be experienced more often. It might be found sitting together fishing by a riverbank, or celebrating a victory of their sporting team, or just sitting quietly reading together in the same room. Sometimes it may be found in sharing the loss of a family pet together, or taking the time to help a little old lady cross the street. These special moments can not be orchestrated but merely experienced.

Taking the time regularly to listen to your child, really listen, enables the closeness between you to grow and not evaporate.

Taking the time regularly to listen to your child, really listen, enables the closeness between you to grow and not evaporate. When a father consciously seeks to take part in what the child wants to do, it makes the child feel accepted and special. It might be going shopping or having a tea party with your daughter, or playing basketball or a video game with your son.

To find the connection we are seeking in our relationship with our child we need to meet our child in their world, and not expect them to come into ours! It is my greatest desire that each father would be enabled to experience the joys of really connecting with their child at a deep and abiding level, for when this happens life suddenly begins to make a lot more sense.

Warm Regards

John

Dadsuni

http://www.dadsuni.com

 

Modern Fathering Styles

As we grow into our role as a father we will eventually develop our own ‘style’ of fathering. Practically put this is the way we operate as a father, and is often influenced by the male role models we have had in life. You may find yourself repeating something that your dad said to you as a child, and this may or may not be a good thing depending upon their fathering style.

We often unwittingly take on the attitudes and mannerisms of our own fathers, although we are not bound to stick with those fathering styles if we do not find them beneficial to our own family.

You may find yourself repeating something that your dad said to you as a child, and this may or may not be a good thing depending upon their fathering style.

What is your style of being a father? Following is a simplified list of some (but not all) of the most typical fathering styles adopted in modern times. Each of these styles of fathering brings with it a set of consequences that will either improve or trouble your future relationship with your children.

The Absent Dad is characterised as the man who has fathered a child but takes little or no part in the child’s life. This may or may not be his desire as sometimes relationship breakdowns result in the father being isolated from his child from no fault of his own.

The ‘Ask Mum’ Dad is the father who although present in body, has yielded much of the daily decision making and disciplining of the children to his wife. He is often charactised by the man who is caught up with so many external things outside the family unit that he has nothing left mentally or emotionally for them.

The Dictator Dad is the father who runs the home like a Prisoner of War Camp and has the kids jumping incessantly through fear of punishment. This style of fathering is often characterised by shouting and threatening dire circumstances if directions are not followed immediately.

The Pushover Dad is the father that is so soft emotionally that his children are able to twist him around their little fingers and get everything they want by merely batting their eyelids and saying ‘Please Dad!!!!’

The Involved Dad is the father who has grasped the importance of taking up his role as head of the home to serve his family through leadership and self sacrifice. He ensures that he is involved in as many areas of his child’s life as possible, taking an interest, encouraging and financing his child’s development. He is also responsible for the loving application of discipline within the home, and one of his greatest roles is to lead by example.

It is possible for men to see elements of their fathering styles in more than one of those listed, or as the list is not comprehensive you may not see your style at all. The aim of this particular blog is to help dads identify their own style of fathering and decide whether they wish to maintain it or try to improve certain areas that do not seem beneficial to their family.

The aim of this particular blog is to help dads identify their own style of fathering and decide whether they wish to maintain it or try to improve certain areas

How we as fathers are seen by our children is important, for not only do we shape young lives into adulthood but the relationship we have with them today will affect the relationship they will want to have with us in the future.

Regards

John

Dadsuni

http://www.dadsuni.com

Starting with the End in Mind

While travelling overseas in Asia I experienced a wide range of cultures and some amazing sights that will always stay with me. I tended to rely heavily upon the local tour guides or cab drivers to get me to where I wanted to go especially when we were crossing borders from one country to another, and entering places where I had little or no experience of the culture I was about to face.

Probably the most important thing I learned while travelling was the need to clearly articulate to the local tour guide or cab driver where I wanted to go, and then to periodically continue to check if we were indeed heading in the correct direction. I found it important to ensure that my directions had really been understood and not “lost in translation”, because experience has proven that if you don’t start off heading in the right direction there is a good chance you will not reach your desired destination.

“experience has proven that if you don’t start off heading in the right direction there is a good chance you will not reach your desired destination”

The same can be said for the direction we as fathers choose for our families, if we aren’t heading in the right direction today we may not reach our desired destination tomorrow. But how can we as fathers know the direction we should be leading our families? I’m glad you asked! I believe one of the most effective ways to clarify the direction we should be heading today is to start with the end in mind. 

By taking the time to consider clearly where we want our family to be in 10-20 years time, we can begin to clarify the type of family we need to build today. What are the things that are important to you as a man and leader of your home? By identifying the things that you value deeply you have already begun to define the type of future you are desiring for your family.

By identifying the things that you value deeply you have already begun to define the type of future you are desiring for your family

If you as a man value your health, your will lead your family in a healthy direction. If you value the benefits of a University education then you will teach your family to aspire to intellectual pursuits. If church life is important to you then you will impart your love for the church to your children. All of these areas, once identified in your own heart bring definition and clarity to the future destination of your family.

Alternately if you look at areas within your life and decide that they are not what you want for your family you can begin now to make the changes in lifestyle that will alter your future away from those areas. Each decision made brings the final destination a little clearer, a little more in focus. By checking periodically on the direction your family is currently headed you can ascertain whether or not you are getting closer to or further away from the destination you are desiring for them.

By starting with the end in mind we can begin our journey with confidence and by using wisdom we can make the desired corrections along the way that will ultimately bring us to our desired destination.

Warm Regards

John

Dads UNI

http://www.dadsuni.com

http://dadsuni.com/goal-setting-for-families.html

Identifying Your Child’s Strengths

Ok you’ve become a dad, you have a child relying upon you for food, shelter and safety, but they are only the physical needs of the child. Have you considered that this little person has emotional, mental and spiritual needs as well? For your child to grow into maturity being well-balanced and prepared for the life ahead, we as fathers need to ensure that all areas of their needs are being satisfied. Ultimately every fathers hope is that their child will live a healthy and happy life and our role is to help as best we can to bring that to pass.

“Understanding how each particular child is hard-wired is important if we as fathers are to be able to provide the correct stimulus required”

Even from the moment of birth they already have many character traits hard-wired into their identity and physical make-up, and these are some of the elements that make them a unique individual. Some have blue eyes while others have brown, some have advanced co-ordination abilities and may become athletes while others exhibit an aptitude to become a musician. Some children are shy and need lots of encouragement before they will venture out in society, while others are the life of every gathering and enjoy being in the limelight.

Understanding how each particular child is hard-wired is important if we as fathers are to be able to provide the correct stimulus required. It’s no use shelling out for ballet classes when your daughter really wants to play soccer and score goals on a football field. Nor is it advantageous continually pushing your son toward sports if he prefers to play with a chemistry set and dreams of curing cancer one day.

But how can we know in which direction our child’s gifting and abilities reside, so we don’t continue to push them into areas they are ill-equipped to succeed in? I believe the answer lies in 3 main areas.

• Communication
• Observation
• Trial and Error

Communicating gently with the child and encouraging them to express the desires that are in their own heart is often a first step toward identifying areas of strength, although it may take patience and understanding to actually identify the real areas as opposed to the whims of childhood.

Observing your child as they play can also be advantageous in helping us identify natural abilities and aptitudes in certain areas. Some children excel at an early age in areas like computers or mathematics; some may show artistic flair in painting or an ability to speak confidently in front of crowds. All these are markers along the path that we as fathers need to follow to help us in finding our child’s areas of gifting.

It’s only through continual Trial and Error that we as fathers will be able to confirm that we have indeed identified the areas that will play a major part in our child’s life. Exposing your child to a broad range of activities over the developing years gives fathers a statistically better chance of identifying areas of gifting. This can often mean financial investments in football boots this year and buying a musical instrument next year, paying for a chemistry set or workshop or investing in a new computer program on Engineering.

“Exposing your child to a broad range of activities over the developing years gives fathers a statistically better chance of identifying areas of gifting.”

By staying flexible in our own desires for their future roles in society we open the door for them to follow their own dreams and ultimately what every father hopes for is their child’s happiness.

Regards

John

http://www.dadsuni.com

For more information on this subject see link below

http://dadsuni.com/identifying-your-childs-area-of-gifting.html

Protectors of Innocence

From the first moment you hold your new-born child in your arms you realize that life is about to change dramatically. This beautiful baby, your beautiful baby, has come forth from the union of yourself and your wife and millions of new possibilities are opening up in front of your eyes. Although this child carries many of the genetic traits of both your wife and yourself, it is also without doubt unique. The child has its own fingerprints, different from every other person who has ever lived. The child has its own personality, its own natural gifts and abilities and its own dreams and hopes, but now all we see is a tiny human being struggling to become acquainted with this strange new world it has just arrived into.

As a new father we have a wonderful opportunity to take stock of our own lives, and to assess what is still and what is no longer important to us. Priorities change in our own heart when we perceive the value of this precious life we have been given to look after. It is important to realize that even though the challenges of being a father are sometimes difficult, the benefits we will receive are amazing. Fatherhood is not for cowards, but billions of men have done it before you and you are well able to become a great dad.

There are a number of main roles you will probably step into as a new father including Provider, Teacher and Friend, but one of the most important roles is that of Protector. Being a Protector of our families is one of the most natural roles we as men fall into, it seems to be hard-wired into our manhood. Keeping our families safe from the many dangers that we as men already know are in the world, is a role that requires diligence and discernment.

What are the things in the world that you as a new dad want to protect your child from? Physical danger? Sickness or Disease? Bad Influences? Wrong Relationships? Sadly to say there are many influences in the world that would take advantage of a young innocent life and twist its beauty and uniqueness into something to be regretted.

The best way to protect our children’s lives is to build a stronghold of wisdom around them, so that even as they grow up and become more independent the life lessons that their father taught them will stay with them. Sharing and teaching our children is not a scheduled event each week, it happens daily, moment by moment as we impart our own lives and values to them through our own example.

How then should we live as fathers, if our greatest ability to protect our family comes from our own life example? Do you not want your child to smoke cigarettes? Then you as their example shouldn’t smoke! Do you want your child to live a healthy and active life? Then you as their example should do the same! A father is a shining light to a child, an example to be followed, a life to emulate! Make a decision today to be the best example to your children that you can be, and in doing so you will go a long way toward fulfilling your role as a protector of innocence.

Regards,

John

Dadsuni

http://www.dadsuni.com